Amilli-lani

damn, its been over a year since ive been on my tumblr. so much has happened. so much as changed for the better AND best believe the worst. Sometimes it feels like things are just getting worse and worse. Like there’s just no point. I know i’m not alone cause i am surrounded by people who love me and who i also love, but why does it feel like i am? Getting in fights with my parents constantly, drama, boy problems. what is all this fighting and stressing gonna do for me besides hurt and ware me out? When am i gonna have time to just worry about myself and do what I want for a change without having to worry about who i hurt or what he’ll think? The question is am i capable of that.. Words can not explain what i’m going through or feeling. no one is ever gonna know what i constantly go through at home or in life. that’s just that. it feels like EVERY time i try to open up and finally do open up with someone i think is special and think wont hurt me ends up doing the exact opposite to me. for right now imma just see what God’s plans are for me and follow him. nuff said.

are from hell.

What the heck! are you seriouss?! you can not possibly end a movie with will you marry me and then cut it to credits without bella’s answer that’s just pure freaking torture! I freaking hate reading butt it looks like i’m gonna be reading the 3rd book to find out what happens in this crazy love web with bella and her 2 men. I don’t know who i want her to be with! Honestly i want her to be with edward his charm just takes me over! Butt Jacob is just sooooo hot! ahh i’m torn. what do you think? cause i really would like to know. haha

Tonight was so fun! I get a random call from annalee saying be ready and she picks me up and we go eat at plaza bonita and then go watch new moon tonight was the best :)

Ahhh poo. The book was soo a-m-a-z-i-n-g. We started to watch the movie today. It sucks booty. Lennie isn’t even big and tall. Curley’s wife is an ugly fat lard haha. She sounded pretty in the book. I just can’t wait till the end when george kills Lennie. My favorite part in the book. Hopefully the movie doesn’t KILL it. haha.

Yesterday was one my highlight of this year. God has blessed me with one of the oldest friends back. I really needed her in my life. Without her it felt like a part of me was missing. But now I feel complete :) We talked and cleared things up. I shouldn’t have listened to rumors, but I did. And that’s where I messed up. She knows i’m truly sorry and i thank her for forgiving me but i gotta earn her trust back and i’m gonna do whatever it takes to do it. A true friend tells you the wrongs that your doing even though it will hurt you, because in the long run it can save a life. And I feel that she told me straight up yesterday the things i’m doing wrong, it made me feel like someone actually cared. Now, whenever i’m hurt or need someone to be there for me, i have full trust in her that she’ll be that person:) We’re just work in progress.

I’ll always love her no matter what. <3

verb (used with object)

1.to drain of strength or energy, wear out, or fatigue greatly, as a person: I have exhausted myself working.

I swear I am the definition of exhausted. I’m so tired and worn out. From softball,famil, friends, school, life. A lot have things have been happening lately, And it’s wearing me out. I just want the time to lay in my bed and sleep for days  hours. The sleep i get at night is NOT ENOUGH. ahhhh i’m so exhausted.